I logged into facebook this morning at 4pm and found, again, that insistence that I provide ID to be allowed to continue to use their service. Only this time there is no week to find it. I’ve used it to say goodbye.

It feels a little like part of my sight is patched out. A constant rectangle on the right-hand side that I can’t access any more. When I open a new tab on chrome, it gives me, below the google search bar, eight of my most commonly used websites; one of them is facebook. I’ve gone there a few times without thinking.

I’m now blind to what my friends are doing or saying. I won’t be invited to events, or informed of meetings.

I need to delete the facebook app off my phone.

I spoke to friends on skype after it happened. One insisted that what I should do is use my birthname, lock it down to paranoia mode, and use a page to interact with people. I couldn’t explain to him why that didn’t feel right; it suggests a level of otherness about myself that doesn’t sit with me.

Why should I have to go to those lengths to interact with people on a social media network?

And if I did, would it become okay in my mind for other people to have to as well?

Another friend I talked to, similarly genderfluid, told me how they refuse to come out because this is the sort of thing that happens. I felt a prang of guilt for being in the position where it’s okay to come out, aware of my own privilege.

I don’t have a career that will be effected by being on the trans spectrum. I never lost friends. But that was mainly because I don’t have a career; I’m disabled. Speaking openly about my disability meant the people who I eventually gravitated to where more open minded than most.

From what I glimpsed of the posting on facebook of this subject, it was pointed out that facebook is a necessary evil for some of the volunteer work I do in a local performance charity; that people who don’t already have an account are often asked to make a fake one so they can join groups and interact about practises and costumes.

Will this hold me back when it comes to the next festival? Will I be asked to make a fake account, only to have to explain what is half a choice, half discrimination to them, and why I am currently facebookless?

I feel like most of my posting on this has become melodramatic and morose; I will try and post some happier things in the next few days.


2 thoughts on “Thursday

  1. MTGViolet says:

    I hope that Facebook will one day see the light and not be so strict with the names. It’s a huge frustration, and they’re not the only ones. Sites that need you to “prove” your identity when you ask them to change your name (even if they didn’t ask for it when you first signed up).
    There’s a lot of institutionalized transphobia still running rampant, and I’m only just now seeing the beginning of it.
    I hope you can find a solution. Best of luck in any case.

    Liked by 1 person

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